lately…

.

I haven’t been writing much. The notebook is full of headings, prompts, ideas. When I come to turn these into posts, they become the actual words in between the photos. That’s not quite what I want to be doing, but this ‘summer’ is different. I’m not joining the dots.

This time last year my head was full. Herself had just gone and died on us. I was in shock, in turmoil, and in physical pain. I was exhausted, but my brain was buzzing, trying to process the new world order. I wrote and wrote.

These holidays, my world is calmer. My brain has relaxed. I’m still fatigued, but with ME, that’s not going away any time soon. Physical pain is confined to my limbs- the chest pain went away in time. Everyone said it would.

I’m not crying- just a discreet drip after we left the Brother’s family, having had a week together sitting about blathering while cousins caused chaos. A wee drip, sure it was hardly worthy of the name ‘a cry’.

The not buzzing brain means I’m not using the blog to work out my thoughts or to vent as much- well, not until now…

People who know me have said that reading my blog is like listening to me chat. I quite like that, but maybe that’s not all it could be. Then again, attempts at writing about anything other than me and mine have been neither successful nor rewarding.

I’ve been on holiday and my mind had switched off. That’s a good thing. That is- I’ve been lead to believe- perfectly normal.

I have a paper to write for the rare disease partnership. There are plans to plan, events to attend, people to persuade. My mind will kick back in as best it can pretty soon.

This blog will develop as it develops. There will be muddling and chaos and music and book reviews and woes. There will be photographs to attempt to capture what I don’t have words for.

I’ll just keep on trundling along. This blog does what it says on the tin…

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22 thoughts on “lately…

  1. Fiona, I love reading your musings. In my head, your voice sounds musical, though I don’t know what it sounds like in real life. :) Whatever you post, I enjoy seeing you here (and on Twitter and FB.)

  2. I am not really sure I can put the reason why into words, but something about this post hits home with me and I feel I can appreciate what you mean. If your blog is what you need it to be right now, than what you are writing is perfect. By the way, I like the new photo of the family in the surf. :)

  3. Inevitably blogs, and especially personal first person ones, evolve over time – because people do.
    I’m coming to realise that’s one of the interesting things about them.

  4. Fiona, just write what you want and when you want, and you’ll do just fine! When you’re typing, think of it as playing the piano… sometimes you can play just the notes, and other times you can jazz things up a little, and add an embellishment or two here or there! Or, if you type like me, find novel ways of multiple back space clicking! However you write and whatever you write about, have fun with it – that’s the best way to evolve! :D

    1. It’s a very effective stress release mechanism I find :) There have been times when I’ve felt in need of a cry, and pulled out a soppy film. ‘Beaches’ always does the job!

  5. My favorite reads are just what you describe…they are whatever is important to the one who is writing. And that is going to vary with time and circumstance. I always love hearing from you, Fiona, and your journey is worth knowing. Debra

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