time to panic

Yesterday was one of those days. I had things to do, places to be, and I was anxious as all get out.

These were not fancy, exciting things. I get more stressed by personal admin than I do by Grand Events.

My list?

  • wash hair
  • walk Jake
  • go to bank
  • return library book
  • meet friend
  • walk Girl2 to ballet
  • buy printer ink

Ah, I can tell you’re all quaking in your boots. A list designed to defeat…

It was a day I yearned for the energy and clear head I once had. When I worked full time and didn’t consider washing my hair a task. When banks and library books and ink were done around the margins, without planning, without medication.

as if I'd wear heels like that to work!
as if I’d wear heels like that to work!

I did everything (hurrah!), but collapsed into bed at 8pm, sore, overstimulated and unfit to move. I was actually delighted to get everything done- especially as my friend and colleague has a brain that works at a million miles a second. My plodding pace and repeated ‘what do you mean?’s meant that our quick coffee lasted for over 2 hours, and I ended up with a long list of things to read and consider and progress. That’s about 3 or 4 weeks good work for me, and she has it all done by this morning.

Most of the time I don’t think about what was, I get on with managing what is. But sometimes, oh, sometimes, I’d like to able to do more than one thing per day without needing more of the anti mad tablets.

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10 thoughts on “time to panic

  1. Fiona, I think buying printer ink is one of the most stressful tasks around! The thing is, it doesn’t matter how you go about doing things, it’s the fact that you do them that matters. Unlike me and my printer ink… I’m still trying to buy some since last year now…!

  2. Buy printer ink online, it’s so much cheaper, easier and quicker. Well done on getting all those things done within a day, I hope you’re rewarding yourself with a nice, easy, peaceful, restful day today. :)

  3. You clearly have very impressive friends who can multi-task at the drop of a hat! You must get them to give some tutorials on this to those of us who have difficulty completing one task before forgetting its purpose! And – yes – I’m sooo jealous that you were able to complete such a list. I aspire to those heights!!

  4. Fiona, I must get up from here and wash my hair right now…….and I dread it. I always dread it. Along with buying printer ink. Such a pain.

    And, I am convinced that people who seem to have it all together, those who multi-task out the ying-yang, never show you the disheveled, defeated side of them as they collapse on the sofa at 10pm. :) xo

  5. Andra says 10p.m., when did I last see 10.00.p.m., but then I am an oap, take it easy, you try to do tooooooo much, and then folk pester you by E mail for stupid enquiries. You are too hard on yourself, other folks don’t realise how much you do volunteer for.

  6. I can easily imagine it gets you down when you can’t manage to stay energized and productive. Sometimes we need to redefine our terms. There are days when our minds and bodies are telling us to just put it all down and don’t fight. And when we answer that call, we can see ourselves as having achieved the goal. There are a lot of people NOT listening to their bodies pushing forward beyond the physical screaming…they seem on top of it, but is it a false adrenaline rush? Just continue to take care of yourself as you can. I think there’s usually a crash (for me, too) following a large push! And you’ve been busy!

  7. Fiona, your friend was getting about on a crutch on the Thursday and Friday before she met you. Making it to her GP clinic for routine blood tests was a real bother for her on the Thursday. She woke up the morning before she met you with her right hand clenched in a fist; and over the day (with extra drugs and holding said right hand in a basin of hot water) she managed to get her fingers straightened so that she could at least make some use of it. She met you after a clinic appointment relating to another illness. The day after she met you she was in bed by 5pm because the cocktail of steroids; immunosuppressants, co-codamol and paracetamol were not enough to keep her functioning. She really appreciates, and likes, any encouragement that perhaps her comments at the time and later made sense and something in her week was worthwhile; the week was not lost. She thinks your organisational skills far exceed her own. She has seen a sample of your lists and the writing is legible; she returns to her own lists to find that she cannot read her own writing. She was so proud watching you speak in front of 250 people in Dublin; she was proud to know you and of your efforts to help others. She wishes that she had the courage to speak in front of people in the way that you can. Mostly the ragged path that has led to her knowing you at all is not so bad when it means that she can now call you a friend. We do what we can, when we can and you definitely do underestimate yourself. PS. Your friend would quite happily allow someone to clean her house at the moment because it is a complete tip.

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