foundations

Not a make up post.

Nor is it about undergarments.

A foundation: a solid base on which to build. It allows us to build, create, make our lives our own.

Children like continuity, reliablity, predictability. They need to feel secure and grounded.

The girls have been thrown. They got used to me vanishing to stay in Omagh or at the hospital. They pass no remarks on me lying down during the day, or Spurs Fan being off coaching football. But Spurs Fan being at football in England? Away for several nights? Well now, that’s a different story altogether.

What if we sleep in?

What are we doing today?

Who will get breakfast?

Can you help me sew?

Is it lunchtime?

When will Daddy phone?

Can you help me sew?

Let me show you this…

What are we having for tea tomorrow?

Do you like sewing?

I’m writing a match report.

Can we play a game?

Can I have a snack?

Why are you sewing if you don’t like it?

I tend to feel out of control when school is off- I’m less able to manage my energy and there’s always someone just where I want to be, or making a mess where I just tidied. This weekend was all about Hallowe’en and craft activities- making monsters out of socks. (I am not normally that organised- they were given packs as a gift.) Also, you’d think they’d never seen food. I wonder what Maslow would make of it all?

Spurs Fan fills in the gaps, fixes my messes and remembers to buy food for the starving masses. I sleep fine when I’m away; less well when he’s not here. We worry about things when he’s not about. Will she remember to feed us? Will I find a parking space that I can use? Where did the grown up go?

What was that about foundations?

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6 thoughts on “foundations”

  1. When my husband became ill I found it difficult to adjust to having him home all the time, but I learned to cope. It’s not just the big things that change, like income, it’s the little things, the routines and who does what.

  2. We learn a lot about how things fit together when one piece is missing. When my brother-in-law was going to be away, my sister’s youngest because concerned and asked his mother – “But what will we eat?” She hadn’t quite realized how much of the cooking he did…
    Meanwhile, last time I was away, I called from the airport to talk the family through dinner and my daughter had whipped up a batch of french toast and was making a salad.

  3. I can NEVER sleep when Phil’s away: there’s only one grown up to do all the jobs, and when it’s time to wind down I watch Jane Eyre repeats till after midnight…we all miss him. So sympathise with how you’re all feeling – hope he’s back safe and sound soon….

  4. I think we all need continuity, reliability and predictability, whatever our age. Any sort of major upheaval or uncertainty is always hard to deal with. I hate uncertainty about the future, not knowing what’s going to go well and what isn’t and being unable to make any effective plans. I would love to know exactly what the next decade has in store.

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