in memoriam

The cards are here. They have a photo of Herself, smiling , happy and comfortable. She’s wearing an outfit that she loved. In the original picture, she is surrounded by her brothers and sisters. We were all gathered for a family wedding some years ago- her siblings, nephews and neices, her children and grandchild.

There’s a simple prayer– one well known for dealing with rubbish situations, and a poem that meant a lot to her, especially after the old man died. The design is simple and colourful, Christian, but not too traditional. We think she’d approve.

I thought choosing the cards would be the hard bit. But choosing a picture of a happy Herself, and prayers that she liked, was not too difficult. There are lots of pictures of her smiling. Hundreds of happy, cheerfully captured, moments.

Now I have a box of double cards, single cards and bookmarks, sitting here. Just sitting here. They’ve been here a week. Loads of them. Suddenly, their distribution doesn’t seem like an administrative task any more. Instead, it’s a reminder of the wrongness of it all. If I send out the cards, I’ll be acknowledging that Herself is dead. Well, du-uh. We all know that. Even I know that. I think I even believe it, sometimes. I just don’t like the thought of confirming it.

Terminal illness takes so much from a family. We’re still dealing with it. Like all my admin, it’s a work in progress.

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2 thoughts on “in memoriam”

  1. It is not an easy job, almost like closure. All down the years I sat in the same place at the dining table to write christmas cards. The setting was the same… bundles of cards, notepaper, pens, address book and telephone book as well as the bundle of stamps. This seemed like some kind of signal to Jack and he poured me a G&T to aid me on my way. When it came to sending the memoriam cards after his funeral, I found myself on the same chair and place at the table. About to begin I thought ‘Heck, if Jack was here he would pour me a drink and whistle while I worked’! So I thought to myself, pour own drink girl and put on his favourite music. It helped me. So what if a few tear drops smudge the address a little, it shows you cared! Sending big Hugs for when you do the task.

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