It was early evening. I’d pottered in and out to the garage to get wood, and had started to cook pasta. Spurs Fan went out to put something in the freezer and came back, baffled. “Look at that.” There was a sort of sludge around the drain cover. Hmmmm. Well, put the practical head on, get some water and disinfectant and wash it away. You’d think.
Spurs Fan lifted the drain cover, and there it was. A semi solid mass, in shades of brown, shaped to fill the space. He closed the cover promptly. I still have the vision before my eyes, days later. This was well beyond our limited capabilities.
I gave the pasta a quick stir (how were we ever going to eat?) and we started searching for help. The nearest drain unblocker announced that it was dark (sharp as a sausage, that boy) and so he’d not be able to do anything. We’d have to wait until morning. “You have got to be kidding! My back yard is floating in shit and you want me to wait until the morning! Are you mad? Are we meant to just use the bathroom as normal and flood the house?” Luckily, Spurs Fan is less prone to hyperbole than I and he was actually making the call, so he was polite and hung up.
So much for giving local business a chance. It was time for the big boys. Their website gives a number to call if “water or worse” has escaped. An hour later a lurid pink van arrived with lights, suction pumps, poles, disinfectant. Also, men with strong stomachs. The girls decided to investigate, and regretted it. I focussed on helping Girl2 search for homework information on Stone Age people. At least they didin’t have blocked sewage pipes to deal with.
Before long, it was all over. We handed over the money, gladly. They had removed 18 meters of uugh. That’s 59 feet. Oh my.
It is a measure of my dedication to losing weight that I did not have a glass of wine that evening. Tragically, I’ve just eaten a mince pie when writing this.