the oddest thing

Something very odd happened at the weekend.

I looked in the mirror and thought ‘I could wear that tunic as it is’, ie: with no cardigan or leggings.

Then I realised what I’d done. I had looked at my legs and considered exposing them to the world. Only on a beach, obviously, but still.

That’s me, Speccy McSpec, and my own legs.

The white ones that wobble.

I didn’t see enormous, scary items. I saw regular legs. The like of which we all see on the street any day.

My legs looked like normal legs.

Did a gremlin come along and flip a switch in my head?

Did my shock at Girl2’s leg predicament mean that I actually started looking at my own body realistically, instead of just pretending to. Does ‘fake it til you make it’ work? Have I begun to accept the healthy messages?

I’m smaller than I used to be, but I’ll never be skinny. I’m regular, with padding. Normally I only see the padding.

This weekend I saw the regular, and the world shifted a little bit on its axis.


22 thoughts on “the oddest thing

  1. Just you wait until your girls get to Elly’s age…..
    “You are not going out in that are you?” or “Bin that coat, it makes you look ancient!” These are a couple of the recent compliments my darling daughter paid me! 😦

  2. I’m so glad to hear that your personal axis shifted, Fiona! I struggled with this weird preoccupation with body image for most of my life…and when I look back at pictures I’m shocked at how thin I was. I sure didn’t feel it. Now at 60 I’m still a bit preoccupied, but I think of the mental space those negative thoughts took and what other wonderfully uplifting things I could have enjoyed instead of nursing self-doubt…no good! Every picture you’ve shared has told me how lovely you are…keep hold of that! Debra

  3. Maybe you’ve eclipsed. The outer has now aligned itself with the inner. Well that is how someone suggested to me. Albeit a shift or eclipse or an alignment, t’z a good thing to see oneself in a better light. High 5’z or the equivalent to you, yonder over there.

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