I haven’t been writing much. The notebook is full of headings, prompts, ideas. When I come to turn these into posts, they become the actual words in between the photos. That’s not quite what I want to be doing, but this ‘summer’ is different. I’m not joining the dots.
This time last year my head was full. Herself had just gone and died on us. I was in shock, in turmoil, and in physical pain. I was exhausted, but my brain was buzzing, trying to process the new world order. I wrote and wrote.
These holidays, my world is calmer. My brain has relaxed. I’m still fatigued, but with ME, that’s not going away any time soon. Physical pain is confined to my limbs- the chest pain went away in time. Everyone said it would.
I’m not crying- just a discreet drip after we left the Brother’s family, having had a week together sitting about blathering while cousins caused chaos. A wee drip, sure it was hardly worthy of the name ‘a cry’.
The not buzzing brain means I’m not using the blog to work out my thoughts or to vent as much- well, not until now…
People who know me have said that reading my blog is like listening to me chat. I quite like that, but maybe that’s not all it could be. Then again, attempts at writing about anything other than me and mine have been neither successful nor rewarding.
I’ve been on holiday and my mind had switched off. That’s a good thing. That is- I’ve been lead to believe- perfectly normal.
I have a paper to write for the rare disease partnership. There are plans to plan, events to attend, people to persuade. My mind will kick back in as best it can pretty soon.
This blog will develop as it develops. There will be muddling and chaos and music and book reviews and woes. There will be photographs to attempt to capture what I don’t have words for.
I’ll just keep on trundling along. This blog does what it says on the tin…