repeat ad nauseum

This may sound familiar to the long term reader- outrage, indignation and anger, leading to crisis of confidence and crying, before ending up blogging comfortably with coffee.

Yes, Somebody has annoyed me. They’ve mistaken my cheerful persona for vague, fluffy and not to be taken seriously. My contribution was undervalued, because I’m a volunteer, because I speak from experience of having a rare disease in the family, because I don’t wear a suit to work.

I responded. Nicely. ish. I wrote the message out by hand. I typed it up. I left it overnight. I added a few friendly comments. I used none of the language I wanted to. I didn’t throw the toys out of the pram, although I was tempted, because then I wouldn’t get to play at all. I’m too involved to walk away. It’s too important.

I know I’m not always right about things (hard to believe, but true). I know I can be too quiet, too strident, stubborn, unassertive, lacking in confidence. I know these things. I’m learning.

I tend to start from  a position of respecting and trusting others in the field until they demonstrate that I’m wrong. I try to build relationships to get the work done. I’m learning that others start from a position of holding on to status. They are wary of unpaid, smiley Tiggers who have ideas, and real passion for the work.

Collaboration is essential to achieve what we need to.

But it’s damned hard work.


24 thoughts on “repeat ad nauseum

  1. Oh, this rang such a bell! I’d love to be able to achieve civilised contempt. Mostly I just settle on (‘on’ rather than ‘for’) seething silence or, finally, outraged meltdown. Haven’t got far with either, to date. Trying to learn to speak up when the affronts occur in real time, not let them build up. Not easy!

  2. I’m right there with you on this, Fiona. I was called into the boss’s office yesterday to “discuss” my body language and impatience with others. This all due to a new employee who apparently warrants this kind of protection from me. I’m very frustrated, but also somewhat amused. The totality of who I am apparently isn’t the point, but someone with extremely thin skin has decided they need to bust me down a few pegs. The pettiness in others is hard to deal with. I have no answers except to continue to be your wonderful self, and seek those who have bigger hearts. That’s where I’m focusing today. I have no capacity to tolerate small mindedness. (I think that lack of tolerance must be showing more than I know.) My grandmother used to say, “Kill them with kindness.” Maybe. oxoxo

  3. If you really believe in what you are doing, then don’t let anyone walk on you. You play a very valuable role. Hang in there girl, I’ll bet you will still giving your all when the grump has moved on to annoy others!

  4. That’s hard, Fiona: because if we are intent on collaborating, we have to get along with the person who has made this wrong assumption. All the best: if anyone can make this work, you can. The work you are doing, though unpaid, is priceless for those who benefit.

    1. That’s it. we can’t advocate collaboration as a key method of work and then walk away because Somebody refuses to listen, consider any ideas and actively seeks to undermine… Boy, was I tempted though 🙂

  5. Wow, here in Canada we only use **** (4) not *********** not (11) but then we need the extra time to silently plan a way to get even with those who have done us wrong.

  6. Fiona, ignorance is rife in Northern Ireland, just think of how much our contacts love you,
    so what if someone is Jealous of your standing in the Volunteering sector, and how much
    others respect you. Think of those lovely people we met last week.

    1. standing in the volunteering sector- could you not at least get me a seat?! 🙂
      Somebody went too far, and now knows that I’m not fluffy or easily dimissed. I can do vague a lot, but there’s no need to let everyone know that 😉

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