it doesn’t take much

It happens all too often. I just have to hear of, or more likely read of, someone I know sitting with a dying parent and woosh, I’m right back there.

I’m back in the long, long days and nights. I’m back with the kindness and love of family, friends and total strangers. I’m back, despairing.

I feel the tension of late night drives, and having to make the phone calls that nobody wants to receive. I learned to ask for help. I learned the value of a clean t shirt, or a towel. I learned to sleep anywhere.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Warm words, hugs and endless chatting are invaluable. They help us through the horror.

Then we have to learn to get on, ourselves.

We have to learn how to be who we are in the new world.

We have to remember the hugs and laughs and the people who made us who we are.

Somedays, I’m uplifted by that. Somedays, I feel reminded of my place in the world and I’m warmed, enveloped in the remembered love of my parents.

Today I’m just a bit lost.

Resurrection by Vladimir Holan

.

Is it true that after this life of ours
we shall one day be awakened by a
terrifying clamour of trumpets?
 .
Forgive me, God,
but I console myself that the beginning
and resurrection of all of us dead
will simply be announced by the crowing of a cock.
 .
After that we will remain
lying down a while.
The first to get up will be mother.
 .
We’ll hear her, quietly
laying the fire, quietly putting
the kettle on the stove and
cosily taking the teapot out of the cupboard.
 .
We’ll be home once more.
.
.
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12 thoughts on “it doesn’t take much”

  1. Hi Fiona still early days in this journey . Just remember you can’t feel it but I am holding your hand. Will call you later. Not at home now.xx

    -original message- Subject: [New post] it doesn’t take much

  2. I think it’s important to have the sad days as well as the good days. I think it reminds us that we are human and that its ok to be sad. I also think its healthy
    Today is what it is a sad day.

  3. I’m sorry you are finding it harder than usual Fiona, I do love this poem though, I have never seen it before, thanks for sharing your pain.

  4. Pingback: Resurrection «
  5. You will never not miss Herself. Somehow, there was no one quite like her. I can see it in the set of her mouth. However much it hurts, thank you for sharing pieces of her here, for keeping her spirit alive for those of us who can’t know her.

  6. It’s been two years since my cousin died, and I still see him in others’ grief. There is a desperate, crushing, draining love I think we all experience when we lose someone we’ve loved in that complex, lifelong way. I miss him. It hurts. But less so now, than then. If that makes any sense. The joy of love creeps back, with comfort, when the grief begins to fade. Thanks for reflecting that, here, sweet lady 🙂

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