not so criminal activity

I’m amazed at how characters on television soap operas rarely watch TV. Debates about great dramas/ reality nonsense/ twitter storms about minutiae- none of this has any impact on the EastEnders or those who live around Coronation Street. Nobody comments on what they watched, nor appears to have any interest in anything other than pub gossip or cunning plans.

I don’t expect us to see them watching much TV, though The Royle Family and Gogglebox show that can be a lot of fun. I know also that the programmes are recorded well in advance and can’t be expected to keep up with passing trends, but these fictional characters learn nothing from their counterparts.

If soap opera baddies spent more time watching TV and less time glaring at people over orange juice in the pub, they might have a better idea of what to do when faced with blood soaked evidence of a crime.

Last week, a baldy, snarly villain happened across a smashed smartphone in his kitchen. It belonged to an opposing baddie. Lifting it up, he got his hands covered in blood. Presumably, the phone got covered in incriminating finger prints. What did he do with it?

He put it under the tea towels on a shelf. Really.

That’s a man who’s never watched CSI.

angry phil

Just last week I found the long missing string underneath tea towels. Some people have ironed tea towels neatly stacked in a spacious area. I have a muddle in a drawer with random other things, including, it seems, string. Even so,  I would never try to hide things there.

So what could the soap baddie have done instead?

  • smashed the phone further and thrown in the canal
  • dropped the phone under a lorry on the street
  • cut up the SIM card
  • put all the bits of the phone into doggy poo bags and dropped in various bins

You’ve thought of another 5 possibilities as you’ve been reading. One would almost think that it’s important that the phone be found…

Equally fascinating was the fact that nobody has yet noticed that a whole car is missing, squashed with the now phoneless baddie in it. Who owned the car? Why do they not want it back?

Tune in next week…


18 thoughts on “not so criminal activity

  1. You mention throwing it “in” the canal, but surely there are so many dead bodies heaped in there already that it wouldn’t get a chance to sink?

  2. Hilarious! You ‘re onto something there. Proof that all that chocolate over Christmas has not numbed one iota the sharpness of a forensic criminologist’s brain! (Is there such a thing?!) 😉

  3. That made me laugh! And you’re so right too Miss Marple- with his chequered history, Phil should definitely have known better. (I LOVE the fact that I’m not alone in my weakness for EastEnders!)

    1. It will be found. There will be trouble. I predict a riot.

      I had avoided EE for years, but lured back in when Girl1 decided she needed to watch- school bus conversations- and I’d need to tell her who was related to whom. We spent the first few weeks wondering of each other “who is that? where did they come from?” but we’re up to speed now. Apart from the gaps I must ask you about…

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