used to be

I used to be a teacher, a rower, a daughter. I used to be employed, and healthy. I used to be a blogger.

Now, I’m not quite sure.

I’m busy and motivated and exhausted. I’m a volunteer and a dance mom and an occasional blog reader. I still have ME, I juggle all the things, and I sleep.

It used to be that I’d go for a walk and tell you about it; taking pictures in the museum and sharing my random thoughts on creativity or elephants or the chap who sounds just like Sir Humphrey.

You’d see my new purple nail varnish, or a tidy room, or the silly thing that made me laugh while my family rolled their eyes in despair.

Then I shared less music and more ranting. I’ve bored myself with the ranting.

Brexit leading to threats of war, Trump, NI politics, the Irish police– all of these are beyond parody. Unbelievable behaviour from those who simply don’t care about the rest of us. We appear to be beyond all norms of acceptable behaviour and nobody is being held to account. I don’t know what happened or what to do about it. (Social media is probably not the solution.)

I’ve felt defeated, and pictures of pretty things haven’t helped. I’ve been missing my wee mate Jake- always one to distract me from too much introspection when we were home alone. I’ve taken on extra responsibility with our charity, but nobody wants to read that sort of detail.

Alternatively, I’ve had loads of new experiences, I’ve joined a political party (in an attempt to divert the ranting into something constructive), I’ve got access to spontaneity via a new to me car, and it’s spring. The world is coming back to life, maybe I should, too.

 

 

I used to be in a bit of a rut. Bear with me as I work my way out.

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5 thoughts on “used to be”

  1. Qool. This quasi new version. Speccy 2.8 vs Speccy 2.01, same interface, but its all about software anymore. And that’s what I think, so there.

  2. Hello, I’m not sure of your name. Maybe it’s Fiona as I saw in one of the comments. But as we know a rose by any other name would be just as beauteous.

    Like you I’m going through a time of introspection following what the neurosurgeon called a “seriously major back operation” in May. I’m wondering if all my dream of writing and having books published have been absolutely unrealistic. I’m wondering if I’ve tried to control all the details so much that I’ve become unable to listen to the stilled voice of intuition within myself.

    I’m trying to be patient with myself. To be gracious with myself. I sense you are trying the same. Let us send one another the peace, pressed down and overflowing, that comes with letting go. Peace.

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