Wouldn’t it be wonderful to walk the high wire, like an acrobat or the twin towers guy, or Helen Skelton? The appearance of freedom, the calm, the perfection of it all. The painful hours of learning and struggle all paying off in a few glorious moments.

I need to achieve a balance between energy and enthusiasm. There’s so much that I want to do, and I want to do it all now. When I was first unwell, all I wanted to do was lie on the sofa and that did balance with my energy levels. I’m hoping that my current issues mean I’m improving.

Maybe I should take to wandering around, holding a long pole across my chest- if I can’t figure out how to get through the door then it’s time to sit down and rest.



I used to miss a lot about full time work- the independence, the connections, the doing something useful, the gossip, the friendship. Turns out I now get some of those from volunteering and playing on the internet.

What I really don’t miss about work is the politics. The battling for position, the ‘my way or no way’, the begrudery and the sniping. Turns out I can get some of these by playing on the internet. I’d have expected some of it when volunteering, after all  surely it’s not the payment; it’s the human condition…

not me at work

Happily, I have been surprised. Maybe I’m an innocent or not fully ‘in the loop’. Turns out I’m happy about that.

I’m not as confident as I used to be. I don’t have the energy I’d like. I get aches and pains and mood swings, and I have cotton wool for brains. Are you sure you don’t want to give me a job?

In the real world

Spurs Fan doesn’t understand my interest in blogs. He’s baffled by my interest in the opinions, lives and work of total strangers. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if the blogs I read were produced by a robot in a dungeon somewhere. Until now.

Last night I attended the Irish Blog awards. I met bloggers, too many to list, but honourable mentions for TinmanGrannymar and Kirstie. You’re real! I came home with a goodie bag, a WDF badge and a huge fake trophy. The company was great. The lateness of the night was excessive and I’ve been fit for nothing all day.

The family haven’t noticed the difference.


There are lots of things I could do with learning: how to be domesticated; how to be a yummy mummy; how to influence decision makers to consider the needs of those living with a neurological condition; how to do primary school maths.

What do I really want to learn now? That’ll be the smaller stuff- how to make a blog look good; how to write without a torrent of typos; how to be interesting, stimulating and, if it calls for it, humorous (apologies, Chris Evans).

Bear with me.