I love them dearly

I do. I really do. But, sometimes, only sometimes, I could see them far enough…

Most of the time I’m home alone. I sleep, potter about in pjs and play on the computer. Jake, the grumbly westie, sleeps at my feet. We need the space, the interruption free world of the school term.

We’ve had 6 weeks of school holiday so far. We’ve been warm in England and frozen in Donegal. Spurs Fan has done some painting and we’ve decluttered. For now.We’ve been in the sea, played games, watched films, had lots of fun.

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This morning, just for a few hours, the house is empty. Just me, Jake and Lauren Laverne. It’s glorious.

I’ve been conscious of missing a lot these holidays. Extra energy spent with my nearest and dearest has meant that I haven’t had the oomph to do other things. I missed a day with bloggy buddy Isobel, a meet up with old friends, a BBQ, a birthday party, all the space of about 3 weeks. I managed to have fun with friends in a restaurant and at book club, so I haven’t been confined to the house, just conscious of opportunities I couldn’t take. Sometimes I quite chilled about it; other times I rage against the fatigue, overwhelmed by the on going losses. Then I have a sleep, wise up, and get on with doing and enjoying the things I can.

And, really, you know as well as I do that I wouldn’t miss those random family moments that mean nothing to anyone else- pink hair, temporary vegetarianism, let’s just drive on to the end of this road…anybody know where we are? These are the moments that will live on and will have us laughing together in years to come.

I love them dearly. Most of the time.

when sitting upright is impossible

The most ridiculous things take energy. I may never run a marathon or walk 10K, but my body often feels like  I just have. It’s unpredictable and frustrating and I’ve never quite got used to it.

However, I’m much better than I used to be at making the best of it. I was struggling to sit on a wall on Saturday. Spurs Fan and the girls were playing happily on the beach, running and throwing and catching and laughing. I couldn’t even sit. Did I mention we were at the beach? No better place to lie down.

beach, feet, bright day

 

 

lifeguard hut, flag, beach

 

 

blue sky, Donegal

looking left, blue sky and beach

moving on up

We are moving up in the world.

By about 100 yards.

We’ve been very happy with our crumbly caravan in the middle of nowhere, but the time has come for a younger model. After months of pondering and negotiating and doing sums, we move this weekend.

view, Donegal, hills

We’re staying on the same caravan site (hills, fields, wind and glimpses of sea) but have acquired a new-to-us van in a quiet spot beside the forest. We’ll not hear the 3am basketball games any more.

The new green caravan is about half the age of the crumbly one and feels frankly luxurious to us. Not just bedrooms and plumbing, but 3 bedrooms and a separate shower room and WC.  The kitchen has more storage and space than the one at home- not that we’ll be wildly creative- but ooh, the novelty.

As before, the built in caravan fabrics are horrible (orange) and will be disguised by any amount of cream throws. It may take some time to deal with the curtains, but we’ll have years. A trip to IKEA this week gathered extension leads, those throws and some lamps. I’m sure I’ll need to go back, but Spurs fan is hoping that can be delayed until April. Yeah.

A weekend of excitement looms. A space to be defined and adorned. A whole new representation of us.

If we can survive the cleaning, the packing, the unpacking, and the shuttling between tin cans.

the gold standard

I like the seaside. Emptiness, wind, sea. Freshness. Beginnings, renewal, power.

Shells in my pocket. The little bundles of sand my feet bring home.

I love time on the beach, any beach. I’m not fussy.

Well, actually, I’m really fussy. I’ve just learned that there are many sorts of good beach and to enjoy all of them. Not all are lucky enough to be the ultimate in beaches.

Yesterday, we were there. The beach which is imprinted on my brain. The beach upon which all others are judged. There is a road to it. There are no facilities- no cafes, deckchairs or even a Portaloo. I don’t want those. They have their place, but not here. Those are for beaches that are busy. This beach is never busy.

The sun was out. We had just collected Girl1 from a fun hardworking week immersed in the Irish language- school, games, social life, staying in native speaking home in the Gaeltacht.

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It was a beautiful day.

A day to restore the soul.