well, then, july

July has been a month like no other. Dorkymum reviews the months, takes stock if you like. An interesting idea, but not one I’d been tempted to try. Until now. I wrote a long post about July. It had lots of detail. It had nearly 2,000 words. I’m not sure that even I want to read it again, and I’m not going to inflict it on the outside world- you’ve had enough to put up with recently!

The short version is that my July had 4 periods, roughly matching to weeks.

Week 1: Tension, anxiety, stress, bereavement. Days living in the hospital. The unexpected shock that someone living with a terminal illness should die from it. The strength of family and of friendships. The party for sad people. A blur of days and people and loss.

Week 2: Sleeping. Cornwall. Time with Spurs Fan’s side of the family. Wanting to talk about Herself all the time. Surrounded by beautiful, bewitching, scenery. A swimming pool and wetsuits.

Week 3: Talking about Herself the whole time. Form filling, cheque writing. Not reading the book club book. Not sleeping. Not unpacking. Not packing. Not cleaning. Looking at everything that needs done and deciding to ignore it.

Week 4: Scotland, thank all gods. A week of beaches and pottering with The Brother, Arty Lady, Little Miss Pink For Now and Lightning McQueen. Taking lots of pictures and thinking how Herself would love them. How she did love us all. Not crying as much as might have been expected. Wound licking.

Now: The holidays are over, I’m home for the foreseeable future, and I have to make sense of real life again. I can’t stick my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and pretend the new world isn’t happening. I’ll have to adopt the questioning “What Would Herself Do?” to guide me. We don’t always agree, so that process could well involve working out What Herself Would Do and then doing the opposite. My house needs a combination of industrial cleaners, interior designers and decorators, and an injection of cash. Or at least a lick and a promise. I’ve learned that the expected happens at unexpected times; that we can still laugh; that we do muddle through. I’ve even learned how to schedule blog posts.

I don't believe that you're too grown up to write on the sand ...
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7 thoughts on “well, then, july”

  1. I’m sorry there’s so much sadness in this post, but it’s beautifully written. Nothing like a Scottish beach to clear the head – I hope August is a happier month for you.

  2. You will get through it all, I know as I’ve been there. Not from losing a parent, someone else. The comfort of family & good friends will get you there. Really liked your post once again.

  3. You are never to old to write in the sand.

    I am sorry for your loss, but agree with other commenters; you write eloquently about your feelings, and it is an honor that you share them with us.

  4. You may not have posted the full 2000 word story, but you have given a resounding image of the impact of the loss of your much loved mum. This is the time family and good friends come into their own. And houses are legitimately neglected. Take care, we are thinking of you. And – ‘When God was a Rabbit’ wasn’t worth reading anyway!

  5. I’m with xtrekki on the book review – God was an exceptionally good craic rabbit but the book wasn’t as good as he was. As for the sticking your fingers in your ears, closing your eyes & pretending stuff isn’t happening -like writing in the sand, you’re never too old for any of that. Whatever it takes to keep on going.

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